Once upon a time in the land of Greenville there lived a single
father with his five sons. The father loved the sons more than anything in the
world. Everything he could do to better their lives he would. One day the
father got a bonus at work and asked his sons what they would want from the
store. Four of the sons picked expensive and flashy gifts, but one of the sons
picked but a single pear. The father was shocked that his son with everything
to choose would choose but a single pear. He inquired from the boy why he didn’t
want a gift similar to his brothers and the son simply said that he had all
that he wanted. He wanted just eat a pear. The father smiled and ruffled the boy’s
hair and set out to the store to pick up what he needed. The man went through
the store picking up everything that the boys wanted. When it came to the pear,
he could not find it anywhere because it was alas out of season. Sadly, the man
went on his way home. He was so sad that he couldn’t get such a simple gift for
his son.
As he was walking home, he spotted a pear tree on the side
of the road that was full of pears. It was planted in front of an old abandoned
mansion. He thought it was odd that pears would still grow being out of season.
Nonetheless the man walked up and picked a couple of them for his son. Immediately
after he picked the third pear a loud screech came from inside the house and a
woman in white rushed out and grabbed hold of the man. She said that since he
took the pear he had to pay with his life. He said they were but for his son
and that he would give them back. She said that since they had been picked
there was no way to put them back and that he would have to pay. The father excepted
the price for what he done but asked that he might return to his sons and say
his final goodbye.
When the man got home, he hugged each of his sons and said
how he loved them so much. He said that he had to go somewhere and would not be
back. The sons wept dearly and as the father left the house. The son who
requested the pear followed his father out the door to the house that the
father picked the pears from. The woman came out of the house and said that she
was pleased he had returned just as he said he would and that he was now hers.
She mentioned how if he had not picked the pears, he would be free to go but
alas that was no longer an option. Upon hearing this the son ran out in front
of his father crying and shaking said that it was because of him. The pears
were for him so he should be the one sacrificed. Seeing the love, the boy had
for his father brought tears to her eyes. Something she had not felt for a long
time and hung her head and said go, be free from this place and this fate. The
man looked upon this woman with pity and sadness for she was a beautiful woman
that should not have to live here alone. He asked her if she would like to
return with them. She looked up at the man and nodded her head, color returning
to her body and face. She was becoming human again. Hand in hand the man, woman
and child all walked home together.
Authors Note:
I decided to go with father and sons to do the opposite of
how it actually was in the story. I also decided to make it a ghost woman
instead of a basilisk to give it more of a human element, than a beast. The
ending I decided to go with to show an acceptance of others even when you feel
wronged by them. The father even though he was maltreated and was about to give
up his life to this woman was kind enough to take her in.
Bibliography: Fairy Tale Beauty: And the Basilisk by Josef Baudis
Hi Dallas,
ReplyDeleteFirst I would like to say that I enjoyed your story. Since you didn't have a title I didn't know what to expect (I like that in a book/story). A few notes on grammar: There are a couple of places that you are missing verbs and prepositions. You can pick them out easily if you read the story aloud (or have your browser read it to you).
in the last sentence of the second paragraph, excepted should be accepted.
Some of the paragraphs are a little hefty, maybe they should be broken up a bit with some dialogue.
The story was well thought out and I liked it. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hi Dallas!
ReplyDeleteI liked the twist at the end of the story and how the morals changed when you adapted the ending. One thing I got confused about was when at the end you said "she was becoming human again." I see that the image you attached is a ghost woman – is she supposed to be a ghost? If so, I think clarifying that when she's introduced would've helped for clarity!
I also have the same note as Kaitlyn on some grammar issues that made it somewhat difficult to read at parts, but overall they're easy fixes and the story itself was very interesting!
Hi Dallas,
ReplyDeleteI liked your story, and it’s nice sometimes to have a happy ending. I’ll agree with Rache’s confusion over whether the ghost was humaniform to begin with or only after the transformation…
Why was the woman stuck there all alone in the first place? And why did the father’s offer allow her to become more human again?
Best,
A.M.